Dynamic Action Team Episode 05: “Stay a While and Listen”
Our heroes stand at the entry room before Baal’s room. They have just defeated a horde of monsters and are gearing up for the next fight.
FRANSWAH
So, you’re sure this is the final guy?
GUSTAV
Yeah, I’m pretty sure. Maybe after we kill him we’ll find a way out of here.
MOP
What a rotten couple of weeks.
FRANSWAH
Now Mop, be sure not to use up all your potions like last time.
Flashback to a scene at the very beginning of Diablo II. Mop is standing in the field right outside the Rogue Encampment. He sees a group of little red demon things in the distance which say “rakka-dee-shu!”.
MOP
Oh no, demons! I’d better get my potions ready.
He flips open the inventory screen as the demons come towards him and start attacking.
MOP
Ok, so how to I place my potions in my belt again… oh yes, right click.
He right clicks all his potions and uses them up.
MOP
Wait… oh no.
Mop dies. Return to present time.
MOP
No that’s a n00b mistake, and I’m a pro now.
FRANSWAH
You don’t look like a pro.
MOP
Well looks can be deceiving.
GUSTAV
Come on FRANSWAH, you can’t give MOP a hard time. It’s your fault we didn’t get any of the loot from Diablo.
Flashback to the three just as Diablo dies. He dies and loot goes spewing out all over the place (is this what really happens when Diablo dies?).
GUSTAV
We hit the jackpot boys! Could someone loot? My bags are full.
FRANSWAH
Mine too.
GUSTAV
MOP, could you loot up for us?
MOP
Aww, I can’t either, my bags are full too.
GUSTAV
With what?
MOP
Gems, rings, potions… the usual.
GUSTAV
Yeah, same here. My stuff is too valuable to drop. FRANSWAH?
FRANSWAH
Nope, I don’t have room.
GUSTAV
Well, what are you carrying.
FRANSWAH
…I’d rather not say.
GUSTAV
Come on man, we just killed Diablo, we can’t just leave it. What are you carrying?
FRANSWAH
Well…
His inventory pops open and we see his bags filled with wood.
MOP
Wood?
GUSTAV
Ok that it. What is it with you and wood?
FRANSWAH
My father was a lumberjack, ok?
GUSTAV and MOP start snickering.
FRANSWAH
What? Wood has sentimental value to me!
GUSTAV
So… your father was a lumberjack… and that’s OK?
MOP
Did he sleep all night and work all day?
FRANSWAH
What?
GUSTAV
Did he put on women’s clothing–
MOP
And hang around in bars?
The two start snickering again.
FRANSWAH
Oh, very funny. Look everybody, we’ve got a couple of comedians on our hands!
Just then a player runs up and steals all the loot, then runs away. The three see what happens and pause, stunned. After a long while GUSTAV turns to FRANSWAH.
GUSTAV
I hate you so much.
Return to present time.
FRANSWAH
(sheepishly)
Yes, don’t worry, I left the wood in my private stash.
GUSTAV
Ok so I’ll disguise myself as Diablo and sneak into Baal’s chamber. I’ll engage him in idle conversation and then attack when the time is right. You two just need to keep quiet or else you’ll blow my cover. Got it?
MOP and FRANSWAH
Got it.
Scene transitions to Baal inside his lair. Diablo (GUSTAV) comes up.
BAAL
Oh, DIABLO, is that you? I was expecting someone else.
DIABLO
Sure is old bean. Just came to pass the time. Fraid things are rather dull down my way.
BAAL
Terribly blow chap, terrible blow. Seems I’ve been popular of late. As it happens, I was expecting three heroes to come barging in here to kill me.
DIABLO
Nasty fellows.
BAAL
Yes, no civility in this modern age I tell you, no civility.
DIABLO
At least the weather’s nice.
BAAL
Is it? Oh I just love a sunny day. I get so few down here, you know.
DIABLO
Oh look! A starling!
BAAL
Where?
GUSTAV stabs BAAL in the back as he changes costumes. BAAL dies his horrible death and the other two run in.
MOP
Did you get him?
GUSTAV
Yeah. Though I kinda feel bad.
Tyrael comes down and starts talking.
FRANSWAH
Wow, how long is this guy going to go on.
MOP
Maybe we should ignore him.
The THREE mumble their agreement and then look straight ahead. Movie fast-forwards through Tyrael’s speech until he casts the portal.
FRANSWAH
Ah, finally.
GUSTAV
Here we go! Cross your fingers for home!
The three jump into the portal and end up…
in Left 4 Dead. They appear in a pitch black room. We see things from Franswah’s point of view.
FRANSWAH
Uh, that trip makes me seasick every time. Where are we. Why is it so dark? Oh, wait I have a flashlight. Ok where is everybody.
MOP
Over here.
FRANSWAH
MOP is that you?
MOP
Yeah, its me.
FRANSWAH
Where’s Gustav?
They hear the child crying.
FRANSWAH
D-do you hear that? Sounds like a little girl crying.
MOP
Wait… approaching a lone little girl in an abandoned and creepy building in the middle of the night probably isn’t the best idea. I mean, that’s like right out of every scary movie since Children of the Corn.
FRANSWAH
But she could be in trouble! Let me just see if shes ok.
MOP
Wait!
FRANSWAH
Oh, hello little girl. Is something troubling you? Would you like us to take you out of here? Hello?
