DYNAMIC ACTION TEAM EP. 03: “FITTING IN”
Scene opens with the three of them sitting behind the gate on their side of the arena. Gustav is standing off to himself, facing away from his friends.
GUSTAV
Seven. Seven days…in this nightmare.
MOP
It could be worse.
GUSTAV
How!?
MOP
We could be in Final Fantasy XI.
GUSTAV
What makes you think that we’ll be any good at the arena after the week we’ve had?
FRANSWAH
What do you mean?
GUSTAV
What do I mean? We weren’t meant for this world. I mean, remember the first day we arrived here.
Scene switches to Orgrimmar with people standing around. Gustav, Franswah and Mop walk up to the nearest guy.
GUSTAV
Hey, can we ask you some questions? We’re new here.
GUY
Excuse me, but you’re interrupting.
GUSTAV
Interrupting what.
GUY
(EXASPERATED)
I’m chatting with my friends.
GUSTAV
(HE LAUGHS AT “FRIENDS”)
Your friends?
GUY
Yeah, you know, friends, like the three of you are.
TRIO
Oh no, no no no.
FRANSWAH
We aren’t friends.
MOP
Yeah we just play games together.
GUSTAV
Do you mean to tell me that you all just stand around…chatting?
MAN
Yeah.
GUSTAV
But aren’t you afraid of being type-fragged?
MAN
What’s type fragged?
Camera closes up on Gustav’s face as his expression of shock slowly turns to that of evil mirth. “Hallelujah” or some sort of evil Latin chant starts in the background. Scene switches to him running around Orgrimmar butchering people.
Quick cut back to the arena.
FRANSWAH
Oh come on, we haven’t stood out THAT much.
GUSTAV
Ok, name one time we actually fit in.
Scene switches to FRANSWAH walking around and stumbling upon a man mining for ore.
FRANSWAH
Oh! Hey, what are you doing?
MINER
Mining. For ore.
FRANSWAH
How does that kill people?
MINER
It doesn’t. I’m just farming or resources… you know, to get rich.
FRANSWAH
People give you gold for your ore, and you don’t have to kill them?
MINER
Thats right. This is a real world with a real economy and real, valuable resources.
Camera zooms into FRANSWA’S face as he smiles big. Then he pulls out his saw and the scene switches to him running round chopping up wood with the song “Heaven, I’m in heaven” playing with him singing along and the lyrics changed to something about chopping wood. Then the scene changes to him in Orgrimmar trying to sell his wood.
FRANSWAH
“Wood! Buy my wooooood? Anyone? Want to buy my woooooood?”
HECKLER
“Get lost creep!”
Scene switches back to Gustav.
GUSTAV
Thats a horrible example. You didn’t sell ANY wood.
FRANWAH
Yes well…it was fun while it lasted.
MOP
Wwhat about the time we joined that guild?
GUSTAV
You call that fun?
Scene switches to Orgrimmar or Shattrath with the three friends talking to the GM of a guild.
GM
(SPEKAING IN A BORED MANNER)
Right, so you three are officially members of our guild, Effervescent Wafts of Tangible Light; congratulations.
The three turn to each other with smiles and contained, “Yay, Mmm, All right”s.
GM
You shall start out as Spittoon Washers—that is your title as initiates. If you want to advance in rank you need to show up at every meeting and contribute 500 gold a week to the guild for a period of three months. Then a meeting will be held to decide whether the officers wish to promote you to Manger Scrubbers, one of our MOST prestigious guild positions.
GUSTAV
Yes yes, but when do we get to kill Red?
GM
What?
Gustav
You know…when do we get to kill the enemy?
GM
(HE LAUGHS)
What, raids? Oh my dear boys, you can’t raid with us yet. You don’t have the proper gear, and that takes months to acquire. Besides, our raiding party consists of professionals. We would rather cancel the raid than risk wiping by including such… amateurs as yourselves.
MOP
(SHEEPISHLY)
-
just want to kill people.
GM
Awww, don’t we all boy, don’t we all, but I’m afraid you’ll just have to pay your guild dues instead.
There is a pause, then MOP pulls out the shotgun and shoots him. Then he turns to Gustav.
MOP
I just love that sound.
GUSTAV
It’s nice, isn’t it?
MOP
Mmm, it sends shivers down my spine.
Scene switches back to the arena.
GUSTAV
Face it! We were not meant for this world. We’re as out of place as a sore thumb that sticks out like a…. ugh, I hate these English idioms.
FRANSWAH
Cheer up Gustav. I have a hunch that we actually might do well at this arena. After all, we have a little surprise for them—don’t we Mop?
MOP
We sure do! And it isn’t a sandwich either! That’s a surprise for myself.
GUSTAV peers through the bars at the other side. They start buffing up.
GUSTAV
What are they doing over there?
FRANSWAH
Not sure, but I know what I’m doing over here.
FRANSWAH starts ubering MOP.
GUSTAV
Oh shoot, do you think we’re about to start? Where is that lady’s voice?
FRANSWAH
Ah… oh there, its in text.
Scene shows the GUI and the arena start counting down.
GUSTAV
That does me no good! I need to hear the countdown or I don’t know when to start.
MOP
Let’s count down together.
The three start going 5, 4, 3, 2, 1,…
Scene switches to inside the arena. The other team bursts through the doors into the arena. No one is there so they stop and look around. Then GUSTAV runs up as a demoman.
GUSTAV
Hi. I’m a demoman. I’m not really a spy in disguise at all. I’m on your team.
The other team pauses for a minute before shouting, “Get him!” and they charge him.
Just then, MOP and FRANSWAH emerge in Uber form. They mow down everyone on the other team in very short order while roaring and laughing. The last one standing is a paladin who bubbles. MOP and PALADIN scream at each other while attacking, doing no damage. Editing is quick between the two, with close up facial shots. Finally the bubble starts to fade on the PALADIN. His bubble disappears and MOP mows him over. Uber fades from MOP and the three stand in the arena.
FRANSWAH
There, see? I knew there was something we were bound to be good at.
GUSTAV
Huh. Guess you’re not always wrong. Just usually.
FRANSWAH
Oh no, what’s that?
GUSTAV
What’s what?
FRANSWAH
That! On the interface!
Scene switches to the GUI which shows that the server will restart soon for weekly maintenance.
GUSTAV
Server maintenance?
MOP
What does that mean?
FRANSWAH
I don’t know! I’ve never head of such a thing.
GUSTAV
What do we do?
FRANSWAH
I guess… we wait.
Slight pause.
The three count down with the timer. The game crashes. The three appear on the desktop, and are in silence.
Another slight pause.
They scream at the same time and run around, trying to get out.
FRANSWAH
What is this place?!
MOP
It’s limbo!
GUSTAV
Or worse; Crysis!
The three scream again shouting, “Let me out!” when suddenly FRANSWAH spots a Portal shortcut on the desktop.
FRANSWAH
Look there! It looks like…
GUSTAV
The…portal you summoned back at the lumberyard! Quickly lads!
GUSTAV jumps in, FRANSWAH jumps in and then MOP jumps in. There is the Spore black hole and then the three appear in Spore. They are on a planet. Camera starts close up on their faces.
GUSTAV
Whew, this is much better.
FRANSWAH
What a horrible nightmare that was.
MOP
So…where are we?
Camera pans out to reveal the planet surface. A really weird looking creature is standing there.
MOP
Oh. Hello.
The creature growls and bares its teeth.
FRANSWAH
Um. Good… doggie?
GUSTAV
Gerbil?
MOP
Ferret?
The creature starts moving closer. The three back up.
GUSTAV
Nice gerbil. Go away gerbil. No… back off… don’t…!
Screen goes black. The three scream. “To Be Continued” appears on the screen.
FIN
